THE DATING APP MODERATE: When Dating Profiles Get Political

Artwork by Laurel Bailey

Wait, why am I doing this again?

That was my first thought as I opened the App Store and, against my better judgment, downloaded a dating app. The little cloud icon helpfully informed me that yes, I had downloaded this app before. More than once, in fact.

Within seconds, the familiar black-and-white logo was back on my home screen, smugly reminding me that we'd done this dance before. The app greeted me with a cheerful reminder: "Your profile is a glimpse of you."

A glimpse. Not necessarily the whole truth, apparently.

After several years of being single on and off, I had the process down. I selected a handful of flattering but honest photos from recent vacations and girls' nights, filled out my profile and began swiping. Location? Check. Smoker? Check. Photos? Check. Height? Check.

Then I found one.

You know the type. The profile that seems to check every box. Funny. Engaging. Attractive. A devoted single parent. We matched. We chatted. We flirted. We texted all day, every day. I gave him a nickname in my phone and smiled every time it dinged. We made plans to meet.

The night before our date, I asked a question that has become standard practice for me.

"Quick question before tomorrow: Is everything on your profile actually true?"

He laughed.

Then hesitated.

"I mean ... mostly?"

Red flags immediately started waving. After some flirty but persistent questioning, he admitted that one detail wasn't exactly accurate. His profile said "moderate." His voting history suggested otherwise. I asked why he hadn't just put that on his profile.

"Because I know I don't have a chance in hell with a woman who looks like you if I tell the truth."

There it was. The entire story in one sentence.

The date was off, but the conversation has lingered in my mind. Why are people increasingly willing to bend the truth about their political affiliation?

As it turns out, politics has become one of the most important filters in modern dating. According to a recent Pew Research Center survey, 53% of recent online daters said it was important to see someone's political affiliation on their profile. That's up from 40% just three years earlier, a pretty dramatic shift for something that barely registered in dating conversations a decade ago.

In other words, politics is now right up there with age, religion and whether someone wants kids. And the shift makes sense. These days, politics tells people a lot more about you than how you vote. It’s shorthand for values, lifestyle choices and views on everything from public policy to family life.

The result is that many single folks are making decisions before a first message is ever sent. And when something becomes a screening tool, people naturally start looking for ways around it.

Research consistently shows that creative profile editing is common. Nearly half of dating app users admit to embellishing something about themselves online. Traditionally, those little stretches of the truth involved age, height, income or the strategic use of photos from a slightly more optimistic era. Now, politics appears to be joining the list.

While there isn't extensive research specifically measuring political dishonesty on dating profiles yet, plenty of online discussion suggests a growing migration toward labels like "moderate," "centrist" or "apolitical." Whether those descriptions are entirely accurate is often in the eye of the beholder.

To be fair, there are plenty of people who genuinely don't fit neatly into one political box. Others are tired of polarization and don't want their profile reduced to a partisan label. Still, it's difficult to ignore the possibility that some users are softening their political identities because they know certain labels will dramatically shrink their dating pool.

At the end of the day, everyone gets to decide which qualities matter most in a partner. For some people, political compatibility ranks near the bottom of the list. For others, it's a deal-breaker. 

The problem isn't having political deal-breakers. The problem is not giving someone the information they need to make that call.

If political beliefs matter to you, don't be afraid to discuss them early. Ask questions. Be honest about your own views. If someone's profile is vague, it's perfectly reasonable to seek clarification before investing weeks of your time and emotional energy.

After all, finding out the truth before the first date is a lot less painful than discovering it three months later over drinks and appetizers with your new partner and your closest friends (speaking from experience!).

As for me, I'll continue asking my favorite pre-date question: "Is everything on your profile true?"

The answer may not always lead to romance, but it usually leads to something even more valuable: the truth.

What are you seeing out there in your dating lives? What's changing? What questions do you have about dating in the Port City? Write to me at info@encorepub.org with subject: Dear Alex.